Struggling

I'm having a hard time dealing with a "friendship" situation in my life.

In truth we're not friends anymore, and I honestly don't know why. I know there was a point were everything came to a head and then there was nothing, no resolution, no conversation, no real reason for no more friendship. Both parties are at fault for the reasons leading up to the fallout.

I guess what I'm struggling with is why this still matters to me. Honestly. There are times that I am compelled to contact this person and try to make amends, or at least figure out truly why we don't talk anymore or what really happened. Every effort is thwarted though, including my last effort where the person's fiance simply hung up on me after announcing who was on the phone. Then there are times when the friend never crosses my mind for months. I just don't know why I try in the first place.

If we became friends again, that would be great. If we never did, that would be great too. I guess I just don't know how to deal with being called to do something that perhaps isn't easy or what you think you want to do. That's how it feels sometimes, that I'm being compelled to contact the person despite my better judgment, and then the want goes away as quickly as it showed up. Sometimes I pray for an answer, a clear "one way or the other" and this is the plan that He lays out for me. Arg.